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I get it, restaurants and other eateries want to stand out. But seriously? Food trends are usually so stupid that they are just that, a trend. If it was anything worth keeping around it would just be called ‘food’ instead. Give me a good old fashioned pepperoni pizza instead of one with strawberries any day. How about sushi on a plate instead of in a croissant? Or a grilled cheese that doesn’t have all of the colors of the motherfucking rainbow inside. Here are some foods that need to go away, pronto.
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Spaghetti donut, because who wants to eat pasta anymore.
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Coleslaw in a cart.
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Even people with strong opinions over the ‘pineapple on pizza’ debate can agree strawberries DO NOT belong on pizza.
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Stackable food, so you can’t eat the next part until you finish the first. Cue the flashbacks to finishing everything on your plate as a kid.
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A deconstructed salad in a dump truck.
P.S. That prawn will be guest starring in my nightmares.
P.S. That prawn will be guest starring in my nightmares.
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Spending $70 on a fancy dinner means that your butter is served on a rock.
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What the flying fuck is the latte in an avocado about? It makes me want to throw hot guacamole coffee in someone’s face.
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Pumpkin. Spice. Everything. This is not white girl approved.
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Giving popcorn chicken and popcorn shrimp a whole new meaning.
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I wonder if the ramen making up this burger bun is so soft that the noodles fall everywhere when you eat it or so hard that it tastes like the packaged kind before it’s cooked.
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There’s nothing more appetizing than your food being served in a giant can.
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Really nailed this corn on the cobb.
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This is a bloody mary. In a bag. In a basket. Clipped closed. With a straw. I’m drawing the line at boxed wine.
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This looks like more of a ritual sacrifice than a meal.
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Sushi on a plate: cool. Sushi on a boat: cooler. Sushi in a burrito: pushing it. Sushi inside a croissant: incorrect.
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Would you like a meal with-I’m sorry- ON your beer?
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Macaroni and cheese in a measuring cup… because portion control?
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2/10 presentation. 10/10 mess.
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Pine? Does it go in, on or under your ice cream?
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Ah tempura, you are looking fried and fabulous.
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Wondering which parts you eat and which parts will result in you passing a rock through your bowels.
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Eating food straight of off of the bone is satisfying. Eating food on a bone is eerie.
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Let’s leave eating messy burgers over the kitchen sink to drunk people, okay?
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The wrong kind of pumpkin pie.
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Chorizo tree, because meat is best when it’s dangling.
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These desserts are served on giant legos, so you can feel like a grown child.
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Chicken in a bird cage, so you can think about the life it had before it was your dinner. PETA would sort of approve.
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I’m guessing you have approximately 45 seconds to drink this before the cone gets soggy.
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Spaghetti in a cup, so you can make a giant mess and have a terrible noodle-sauce ratio.
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A bloody mary with food on it is cool, but a soggy ass tomato soaked hamburger is not.
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Truffles served on iPads, so you can watch the truffle hunting dogs in the woods while you eat. I wonder many people have spilled.
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Tuna fish in a can, so you can feel like you’re making a sandwich at home instead of paying a shit ton of money for weird food at a restaurant.
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Eating your dinner out of a cage? Let’s make it harder by only giving you chopsticks. This seems like more of weird ‘Amazing Race’ contest than a meal.
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Grilled cheese dyed with food coloring, so when you’re done being constipated from all of the cheese you’ll poop like a unicorn.
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