Thursday 12 March 2020

‘He’s A Fighter!’ Say Proud Democrats After Joe Biden Slaughters Voter, Buries Him In Shallow Grave [Satire]

The following is satirical.
The media is cheering Joe Biden’s fighting spirit after video emerged of the Democrat presidential candidate beating a voter to death with a tire iron and burying his body in a shallow grave.
The incident occurred at a campaign stop in Michigan that Biden thought was Mississippi.
The voter approached Biden and asked him about his record on gun rights, whereupon Biden flew into a rage and would have shouted four-letter words at the man but could only remember words of three letters or less.
Apparently mistaking the voter for the villainous reptile Randy Boggs from the movie Monsters Inc., which the former Vice President very much enjoyed, Biden shouted “I’ll never let you kidnap Boo,” seized a tire iron and beat the man to death, then dragged his body outside while screaming at the sky for his mother to forgive him, and buried the voter in a shallow grave.
At CNN, anchorwoman Shapely Nudnik applauded the Vice President’s response saying, “He’s a fighter, all right! This is the kind of high-spirited battler Democrat voters are looking for in a candidate. Now we know this will be a president who won’t be pushed around but will respond to the slightest provocation with a nuclear attack while hallucinating he’s Darth Vader destroying Alderaan.”
“The current president is rude and uncivil but Joe Biden is a good and decent man if you don’t get too close to him or let him sneak up behind you and grab your shoulders and sniff your hair,” Nudnik added. “Then he’s just creepy and dangerous.”
Democrat leaders also praised Biden. Corey Booker endorsed the former Vice President saying, “I’m not going to kowtow to any Republican double standard. If Donald Trump can curse and call people names then Joe Biden can deteriorate into a blithering homicidal maniac who doesn’t know where he is or what he’s doing.”
Biden responded to Corey Booker’s praise by thanking Carrie Fisher for her support and saying she was wonderful in the movie “Spartacus.”

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